How Losing My Memory Helped Me Find Myself Again
10 months ago I lost about a cumulative 6 months of memory chunks after having a seizure.
I was really mad for a long time that it had happened, because a) I couldn't remember giant chunks of conversations (or even having them), entire days and sometimes weeks and months, things that happened, or things I'd been involved in, b) it got embarrassing having to have my people constantly having to remind me of things ("No this isn't the first time you've been here, we were here about six times in the last few weeks..."), and c) it is very terrifying to literally lose your mind.
At the time, it felt like the worst thing I'd yet to experience, but now, I realize in my recovery that it was the best thing that ever happened to me.
It happened when I had just had a major birthday milestone and was making big steps in a career transition, and feeling lost through that process. I felt like I was walking through a dark hallway with no lights on trying to find the light switch, or a door out. Losing my memory at first made that process even harder as I lost the memories of what made me decide to make a career transition in the first place.
Not being able to rely on my mind, I took time away to go inwards, put on the breaks, talk to important people who have known me my whole career to remind me of who I am, read some of my past work, and find those consistent, ever-burning forces within my soul to recognize and remember all the things that had driven me up to that point.
Even if I couldn't remember some details of things, I did remember the feelings I got, the intentions I felt behind all past work, and the feeling of inspiration and motivation that were stirred up if I ever got a little glimmer that would recuperate a lost memory. Through these deep indicators of what I was put here to do, I knew what activated the parts of me that drive me, and through that, I came back to myself.
As memories are restored, my medications stabilize the probability of having another seizure, and I'm feeling good and healthy again, I feel oddly grateful that I once was so lost.
Had I not even lost my memory, I wish my lost self pre-seizure had the realization that if you're ever feeling lost, look deep down into those things that fire your soul up, get things stirring in your mind, make you want to go in a certain direction, or make you excited to get to your space where you work or create.
I can promise you that your intended path will unfold in front of you, just as it's supposed to. Mine sure is.
Through losing myself, I found myself, and I think that is one of the most awesome ironies I've ever realized.
Anne-Marie E. Fischer, BA (Hons), M.Ed., blends her passion for the written word with her vocation to create a better world through effective communications, education, and Community Based Research (CBR).
Words for Impact is the culmination of Anne-Marie’s passions, talents, training, experience, and education. This unique company offers grant and proposal writing, research studies, research reports, impact reports, content development, brand development, communications consulting, biography/autobiography (ghost)writing, education and training materials, curriculum development, podcast script writing, journalistic articles, press releases, developmental editing, in-line editing, and fact-checking.
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Learn more about Words for Impact’s services here and past Impact Projects that Anne-Marie has been involved in here. Dedicated to helping you find the right words for the things that matter.